I have been struggling with my old way of thinking for almost a year now. Likely it isn’t as bad as in the past.
So why this blog now?
There are few different reasons why I decided to start this blog now. The main reason is because I believe we need to be the change we want to see in the world.
For one of my jobs I designed, and now deliver, self-care workshops in highs-schools. In 6 weeks, I aim to invite young people to start their own self-discovering journey. I encourage them to learn from their own feelings, to accept them and to understand that they do not have to act based on how they feel. I invite them to measure words, because words are like swords, they can leave big scars. I invite them to use self-motivating sentences because that’s the first starting point to change our lives. We cannot expect to be successful if in our heads we keep telling ourselves “you are not good enough” or “you are a failure, you never going to achieve it”. We can only achieve success if, first of all, we look after ourselves.
Now probably I do not need to tell you how contradictory that sounds some days when I am in my low moment. But you know, we are humans.
A week ago, I started delivering workshops in a new school with a new group. One of the attendees reminded me of me, of my teenager Silvia. My colleague and I were giving chocolate away; she was the only one who accepted a kit-kat. Nothing wrong with that, but the expression she made really touched my heart. I could tell she was thinking “of course, I am the only greedy chocolate person”. I felt sad, it felt familiar.
As part of one of my self-care workshops I deliver a presentation about myself. I talk about how I changed my life when I was 22 and on how I changed it by defining myself out of love and hope rather than hate and self-blame. With this group I have not done my presentation yet. I have three weeks before it and I want to be ready, fully ready, for that day. I do not want to lie or pretend. I do not want to do my presentation while I am thinking about overeating after the workshop. I want to give the best presentation I could ever do – like a wee inspirational Ted Talk. And I want to do it from a point of view of self-love.
I will also tell them that life is a continuous struggle. In few moments in life we feel like we have our shit figured out, while most of the time we spend time to put our shit together or to complain about the fact that we don’t have our shit sorted. However, what we should never give up is our strength and our hope. Who knows, I will might tell them about my experience, today, to make them understand that life is full of ups and downs and the best gift we can give to ourselves it is not chocolate, or a new dress or a new game, but it is to stand up and not giving up to love ourselves (saying that, of course sometimes a wee bounty helps!).
Perhaps I will avoid the “S” word in school.
In the last year I kept on asking myself “How 22 years old Silvia figure out to self-love herself and why 28 years old Silvia forgot how to do that?”. It is so easy to forget how to self-love, eh? Paradoxically we don’t forget and we don’t need any reminder to love our dogs, our friends, our parents or partners but we do forget to love ourselves.
I decided to create my own blog now, because I feel like it is the right moment in my life to re-learn how to stop value myself for my weight, but value myself what I have to give. Pretty much, as I mentioned in my first post, the reason why I created this blog is selfish. I hope that by sharing my story I will remember how I managed to self-love myself when I was 22.