New Year New Me, that’s probably the most common resolution for everyone, eh?
I think it is. And every single year we promise ourselves to lose those extra weights, to do more exercise and to have a healthier life style. The good think is that, at least, we are wishing ourselves good things. Because It would be totally weird having as a new resolution “I am going to stop exercise, I will eat unhealthy, I will start smoking and fuck my life yeah”. So, let’s be grateful that every year, like every day, it is a great opportunity to wish ourselves well.
My ending of 2018 was not the best. I have been very tired and with low energy due a lack of vitamin D, plus work has been very busy and, last but not least, the guy I was dating cheated on me. A fantastic combo, right? That’s exactly the way you want to finish the year, eh?
But to compensate, I spent one entire month in Italy with my family, and it was pretty good.
During this month I had lots of time to think and to reflect about where I am going with my life, what I want to achieve and what I am looking for. I reviewed my values. I think I also learned the dating lesson that life was trying to teach me – before you get too excited about someone in your life, wait at least six months!
And I would lie if I say that in this month I only reflected on my spiritually – it was also a month full of good food (of course) studies (that’s right, during my holidays I study) and I had a wee liposuction done in my legs.
Everything in the surgery went well, my recovery time was pretty quick and now I feel pretty good
And, of course, as a result of the surgery, I put myself into another diet and exercise routine. I know, I know, in a previous post I said I was going to stop dieting and now I put myself into another diet! But you know, after the surgery and with a new year ahead it felt pretty much the right thing to do. You know, New Year new Me.
So, in the last past 20 days I become an expert of diuretic teas, avoiding caffeine and doing some intermittent fasting. I started lymphatic massage, exercising and all that jazz.
And in 20 days I lost nothing.
Then, on Wednesday, I discovered the reason why I don’t lose weights despite the numerous extreme exercises and extreme diets. And in fact, it has been two years of fighting with a number of the scale, and despite all my effort that number is still the same. I am not able to lose more weights, and especially I am not able to lose those weights on the side of my body that needs it most. And that’s because of a disease.
It was a bit sad to discovered that, but at the same time it was a relief too. Because despite of my effort of dieting and exercising in the last past two years, now I finally know that if I haven’t lost weights it is not because I haven’t put enough effort in my weight lost.
Now, very sadly I know I will never have the body I want, I am 28 years old girl and I feel like I have a body of a 58 years old woman and there is not much I can do about. And the only way to reduce my sizes is by surgery.
Of course, it was not a too shocking news to me, deep down I sort of knew that I had a bigger problem, because for the amount of exercising and dieting I have been doing in the last past two years the result is minimum – and that’s also why I had a small liposuction done over Christmas. But what makes a difference is that now I finally have a name to my problem and it is called lipoedema.
11% of women have this problem. This makes me feel less lonely.
So, that’s my bad news of 2019 (and it is just started!) but, the positive note is that I don’t need to put myself into another extreme diet!!!
I know right, that’s like an amazing news, like a dream coming true – and I dreamed this moment for many years In my life. Even tho, I would have never thought I would have stopped dieting for this reason.
But let’s try to see the positive side and: goodbye slimming world, goodbye my fitness pal!
Some of my emotional eating was caused by the fact that I was food depriving myself and still not achieving my weight lost goal. You know, when you have been “good” all week and you haven’t lost a pound it is very frustrating. That’s one of the reasons why I used to binge. Perhaps, I hope I can say goodbye to binge. That would be the best achievement!
Of course, the fight with weights and exercise is not over, it is just started, but under a new light. Now my battle is to look after my weights to make sure I don’t gain weights, I need to make sure I exercise regularly and only low impact exercises (very sadly I had to say goodbye to kickboxing). I need to start more planning for surgeries. Because at the moment I am healthy, but I need to make sure I create a healthy and solid foundation for the rest of my life.
So, I will keep fighting and I will keep drinking teas and peeing every two minutes, I will keep putting feeling good cream in my body, I will keep wearing compression tights and all that jazz, to prevent my condition to become worse.
And it is down to me to decide the path to take. I could keep going to the direction of self-blame and complain about my genetic, or I can take the opposite direction, deal with the problem and get my best chances.
And that’s what I am going to do. After all, I am a warrior.
Despite I don’t like this genetic thing, I will deal with it. I will practice self-care and self-love, and especially I will practice self-acceptance.
In 2019, my biggest resolution is to stop complaining about things I cannot control and start to deal with the things that I can control. And I can control my self-care.